On just missing a Forest

Well, I finally did it. I believe this is my third trip to LA but this was the first time I experienced it as a tourist. Yes, I'm here for work. But we had the whole day without a thing to do, so I gave into the city tour gods and let Tony of Hollywood Fun Tours drag me, K and a lovely woman from Holland all over this crazy town.

For $55 we were swept away in a "lovely air conditioned van" for a 4 hour tour of the city. I have to say it was honestly worth every penny.

We started with a trip to Mulholland Drive. At a scenic stop-off, we saw an aerial view of the Hollywood Bowl, Capitol Records, something that appeared like a city through a dense wave of smog, and the Hollywood sign itself. Sadly, the kids from 90210 were not lingering there still in post-graduation bliss. Wilt Chamberlin's old house also sat a stone's throw away. Quite cool.

From there we were taken to Grauman's Chinese Theatre and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Walk of Fame spreads for 2 miles on both sides of the street and it just so happened someone was getting a star today! We were too early to see the ceremony itself, but a menacing security guard told me Forest Whitaker would be honored. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME GOD?!?! One hour later and we would have see it. But Tony insisted we keep moving. He also told me Forest would make for the 2,340th person honored on the walk and that he'd be asked to pay anywhere from $10,000-$15,000 for the honor. Yep, that's right, the celebrity is charged for the privilege. God bless America. We did take pictures of some of the stars and saw the various handprints and footprints in front of the theater. I even laid down on the sidewalk to be captured in film next to Kermit the Frog's star... why? Because he was the first man in my life (after my dad), that's why. MWAH KERMIE!

We also saw, gasp, the Kodak Theater - HOME TO THE OSCARS! What always strikes me about LA is how cramped everything feels and how hoity toity Hollywood themed venues are in really kind of seedy and shady areas. I still couldn't really visualize how they pull off the Oscar red carpet arrivals in this very small space, but it was tremendously cool to see nonetheless. And like many places in Europe, everything was just too big to fit into pictures! No full pic of either Grauman's or Kodak. PHOOEY! Again, it's all too cramped to possibly take in.

We cruised down Sunset Blvd. on our way to Beverly Hills. We passed the Viper Room(RIP River Phoenix) , the Chateau Marmont (most recent celebrity trashed room courtesy of Lindsay Lohan, also site of John Belushi's overdose), The Roxy (where Belushi's overdose adventure started), the Laugh Factory (RIP Michael Richards) and endless other landmarks. Our tour guide took us through Beverly Hills and Bel Air where we creepily inched by the homes of Tom Cruise (security system anyone?), Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Dr. Phil, Sean Connery, Sharon Stone (all stone by the way - clever, Sharon, clever), the Osbournes, Sylvester Stallone, Shaquille O'Neal, P. Diddy (just as obnoxious as you'd imagine), Elton John, Richard Gere, the Hiltons, Bob Barker, Billy Bob Thornton, the late Aaron Spelling (he must have pissed gold, I swear), the former homes of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Judy Garland, and on and on and on. Oh, and did I mention the Playboy Mansion? I yelled hello to Holly and Kendra but who knows if they heard me. Still, you wouldn't believe how tight the spaces are around here. The properties just feel so cramped and the stars themselves eerily accessible. Well, minus Tom Cruise, who I'm pretty sure has left over Nazi soldiers guarding his home.

We then went up and down Rodeo Drive and saw all of the Pretty Woman landmarks ("Bev. Wil. Got it") in addition to the shopping districts that would surely set off some sort of alarm once my credit line, or lack thereof, was detected. Opulent doesn't even begin to describe it. Think of the Bellagio in Las Vegas but stretch it out over a few more city blocks. That's shopping in Beverly Hills for you. Oh, and we also saw Kitson by the way! (US Weekly readers will find that reference totally relevant!)

We were also taken to The Grove and the Farmer's Market and dropped off for an hour. I would have been more than happy to skip this part since K and I were holding out for In-N-Out Burger at the end of the tour. I did pick up a nice souvenir for someone but this was probably the biggest waste of our time. Though we did pass CBS studios because of this and saw people lined up for a city block to get ticket's to TOMORROW'S taping of The Price Is Right. Yes, they're camping out. God bless you, Bob Barker. Don't forget to spay and neuter your cats.

Our final trek took us around Melrose and near shops where perhaps my credit line wouldn't be the issue so much as my overall lack of hipness. There were shops hailed as the world headquarters for vintage t-shirts across from other shops the expressed the same thing. What happened to things not being cool once everyone had access to them?

The tour really was well worth the investment. In addition to seeing some really cool things that a celebrity/film junkie like myself won't ever forget, it reaffirmed that I could not live in this town if you paid me. I really don't mean that in a negative way. I appreciate LA for what it is, it's just not for me. I prefer the Pasadenas of the world if I have to spend time in SoCal (BU reference.. anyone? anyone?) I just hate how spread out LA is and what a process everything seems to be. K also noticed that while everyone here isn't necessarily famous, everyone looks like they are, which, let's face it, would do wonders for my psyche. Even the UCLA softball team for christssake! They were on our flight last night. Every single one of them Coppertone babies.. every single one of them not looking like the softball players I'm used to seeing. It just doesn't feel very down to earth.

I do love the weather though. I could most certainly get used to this weather.