On general manners...

There's nothing more awkward than the 5K/10K/"insert random race distance here" charity solicitation. I've run a few of these in my past and have eagerly set up my personal webpage via Kintera or whatever fundraising software du jour is used.

You enter all of your personal information and are asked to set up a fundraising goal. Most sites even encourage you to aim for a very high reaching goal. After all, what fun is a reachable goal? Of course, we need to remember that this is all for a good cause and no one is going to execute you for not making it, but for someone like me, for whom the race distance is already a laughable goal, I need to keep it real in some respects.

So you set up the site and then comes the dreaded next step, "Notify your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, trash men, toll ticket takers of your goal and ask them to donate!"

Oof.

When I reach this page of the site, I take it most seriously. I basically think about, "Who will forgive me for sending this to them?"

Again, it's all in the name of a good cause, and that's not lost on me. But more and more people are doing these types of activities for personal reasons and charity's sake. Not too long ago some friends and I discussed how many of these we've started to receive on a regular basis.

Still, I wish other people would take the solicitations as seriously as I do. For example, I'm certain not to include any ex-boyfriends or people to whom I've not spoken in years on my solicitation list.

Friday, I received two solicitations for two races from the same ex. Egad. And I'm not on bad terms with this person. I'm just on no terms with this person. If they send me a message, I typically don't respond. Not because I'm trying to be a jerk, but just because there's really no point to it.

Definitely the type of person I'd request money from.

So, please, if we're friends, co-workers, have sat in DC traffic together, by all means, feel free to send me your charity race solicitation. If, however, one of us has ever uttered the words, "It's not you, it's me" to the other, perhaps you should delete my e-mail address from your "send me money!" campaign. After all, you are a lovely person but I also know how lazy you are and my guess is you're not going to find a cure for AIDS.

Also, it's just common courtesy.

On a scale of 1 to 10...

I couldn't have been more excited for this weekend. Had just enough downtime and just enough fun in the sun planned for these glorious two days.

That is, until I woke up at 3 am on Saturday with fierce pain in my stomach and a 12 hour date with my toilet bowl.

Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?

Yes, ok, so I just killed any sexiness factor that may have existed between you and me. I'm truly bummed about that. Still, I think it paints the appropriate portrait of my weekend. The joy of the weekend is that I've managed to keep everything, including my water only diet of yesterday, down since about 3 yesterday afternoon. YIPPIE! Currently, I simply coexist with horrible stomach pain, back pain and a headache. My attitude? "Heck, I've already had my appendix out, it can't be that bad!" I'm opting to ride it out.

Since I've been locked down on the couch with loads of time to think between my 20 minute catnaps, I've been left to wonder just how bad I am at being sick.

There's really only one person who can tell you that. Cory has stayed loyally by my side all weekend, proving he's nothing short of "the man". He left only to do some grocery shopping, which he later confessed he felt guilty about doing. FYI, I love this guy.

Anyway, he's constantly refilled my glass of ice water, asked me at regular intervals if I need anything and seems very much ok with the notion that he may have to do a load of laundry tonight. (Laundry = my job; trash and recycling = his job)

As someone who is horrible at asking for things, I'm resigned to the fact that I must be a total pain in the ass as "sick roommate/girlfriend". I'm really just trying to stay out of the way, but it's hard to do that when sickness essentially requires you will dominate the television, for example.

I'm so curious as to what kind of sick person I am. It's important to me that I be a model sick person. Why? Because we've all lived with at least one person who does not do sick well and, well, it's incredibly annoying.* Whether it's a parent, roommate, partner, spouse or child, some people just don't handle being down for the count in any sort of reasonable manner. The world must stop for the ailing, in the opinion of the ill-equipped sickie. Thus, am I a whiner? A complainer? A moaner? A sigher? A general pain in the neck? I really don't know.

There's just nothing more humbling than being sick. I'm guessing I'm dealing with some sort of food poisoning, given how everything came on and how it's all pretty unknown to me. Either way, I'd like to thank the USA Network for yesterday's House marathon. Sometimes the cable gods really are on your side.

* It's an attitude like this that makes me question any future parenting skills.

On yesses, noes and maybe soes

Had an interesting day with the job search today.

I started my day by applying to a bunch of positions not in my current field. I call these stretches. In classic fashion, I'm incredibly overqualified for one (Legal Recruiting Assistant) and not at all qualified for another (Corporate Sales for the Carolina Hurricanes). I did manage to find some reasonable ones in between.

I've been in all day meetings since Monday. During the two breaks I get a day, I dart to my office to check my voice mail and e-mail for any glimmers of hope. It's gotten to be borderline pathetic. Still, I'm just playing the odds. I have SO many resumes out there. Something's gotta give. Right?

Well first came the bad news. I received a 'regrets' e-mail from the position I referenced a few blogs ago. This was the job I applied for which, two hours later, earned me a phone call that said something along the lines of, "Are you crazy?". It's the equivalent of a job I did from 2001-2004, pre-graduate degree and pre-paralyzing titles (curse you "Director!"). I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud when I got the "thanks but no thanks" email about this position, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pissed off for a good 90 seconds about it too. I OWN THAT POSITION, DAMNIT!

15 minutes into my 2 hour commute home today (normally 40-60 minutes) I received a phone call from a North Carolina area code! I was so excited! I didn't dare answer, however, as I literally have applied to so many jobs, I was fearful I might not remember the position, the company, the whatevers that would prevent me from sounding like a complete moron over the phone.

I listened to the voice mail and determined what it was. The position is not ideal, but interesting and a bit of a funky take on what I do now. I called the woman back about 45 minutes into my 2 hour commute.

Did I mention I had a 2 hour commute tonight?

Anyway, the call was primarily a feeling out call by a third party search company. What was interesting about it was it was made clear in the first few minutes that there is an essential component of expertise that I'm missing for the position, but what was also clear was that I've apparently sold myself as so strong in other areas they might be willing to consider me just the same. So, it was far from a slam dunk but, at the same time, was profoundly refreshing.

I've spent a lot of time on cover letters "spinning" my experience so it's not limiting to this one fraction of the world. As weeks pass and I hear nothing, I've started to feel like the open-mindedness is not there and I'm the only one who can see how a skill set can translate from one industry to another. People focus on job titles and departments instead. I'm guilty of it too. Just as I'm guilty of laughing at the overqualified resume that comes across my desk.

I'm likely to get a call back later in the week with an update on this first nibble. It's unlikely to bring much of anything, as they've already done a first round of interviews and the search firm is awaiting feedback. Who they've interviewed, the woman told me, are a bunch of people very skilled in the thing I'm not, but unskilled in the other area in which I bring some street cred. Either way, I'm grateful. Like I said, all I needed was a nibble. The whoring out of my credentials will continue another day.

And I'll definitely keep you posted on the Hurricanes. I've always wanted to be a pro athlete.

On Office Baby Brackets...

A former colleague of mine showed up to the office today with her two month old baby daughter in tow.

At that moment, a magical fairy dust memo seemed to make its way to everyone in our office. "Dear Staff: Alert! Alert! Baby in the Building! Please proceed to baby for appropriate hour of alternating squeals of 'OOOOOOOOOOOH MYYYYYYYYY GAWWWWWWD!' and 'She's SOOOOOOOOO precious!' Take your regular hour lunch immediately after."

All kidding aside, Tina* gave birth to one of the most beautiful baby girls I have ever seen. And the child was an angel for much of her visit. She slept in the adoring arms of another relatively new mama co-worker for the 30 minutes I sat with my colleagues and stared at her. We watched every finger twitch, every breath, every eye twitter. We were enraptured.

I, of course, left before many of my other co-workers. Most people were with Tina and her daughter for at least an hour. The experience lead me to believe that the NCAA Tourney Bracket has got nothing on a baby in the building when it comes to loss of office productivity. The very presence of a stroller at the front desk, the receptionist shared with me, led to widening eyes of anyone who passed by. "Baby? There's a baby here? Where?!"

Of course, I was just as excited to see Tina. Tina had been a tremendous influence on me when I first arrived at this job and hearing of her departure actually hurt my heart. She's got that perfect balance of professionalism, kindness, warmth, expertise and no nonsense attitude. I very much wished to model myself after her.

It's clear she's bringing that same mix to motherhood and I know she'll be a phenomenal mom. What was hard, however, was watching everyone beeline for the baby and not for her.

When I saw Tina walking down the hallway, I ran up to her and hugged her immediately. It didn't take long to notice I was the only one who did so. Everyone else focused solely on the child. No hugs for Tina. What scared me even more? No one asked her how SHE was doing.

Well, other than me. :)

Of course, when I asked, she made it about the baby. "Oh, she's doing better. Much better." "Oh good," I responded, "And you?" "Better," she smiled, "much better."

It would appear it's been a rough couple of months. The baby has reflux which means Tina has to alter her diet completely so the child doesn't experience major discomfort. It's an easy sacrifice for her and she was not complaining for a minute. Nevertheless, it didn't take much to determine, in her body language and level of fatigue, that it just hasn't been an easy go for her.

Still, it struck me that I was the only one who asked about her. HER.

In a way, it made me wonder if this is the beginning of the end for her. Wow, I really don't mean that to be as bad as it sounds. Still, it's what strikes me about motherhood and what I work so hard to combat with my friends who are mothers. Their identity so easily slips exclusively to their child's. When my first close friend had a baby, I heeded the advice of another who said, "Make sure when her birthday and Christmas rolls around that you buy something for her and not the kid." "Obviously," I replied. "No, really," said my friend, "You'd be surprised."

Motherhood is a tremendous gift. This cynical but somewhat spiritual gal will go so far as to say a true blessing. I simply ask that the next time you see your mommy friends you ask how THEY are doing, how THEY are feeling, and make sure their next gift is a completely self-indulgent one that requires no mall trip to the Baby Gap.

* Mother's name changed to protect baby from Lindbergh kidnappers.

On Mom's Top Ten

Happy Mother's Day, everyone. I hope you are reading this stress free, comforted by the fact that you did something appropriate for your mother today. The flower and restaurant management industries thank you for your contributions. Hallmark will send their thanks via greeting card shortly.

I had friends in town this weekend and we all went to brunch today, without our mothers. We were reminded of that throughout the morning, as mothers with their respective families sat all around us, each holding some sort of floral arrangement, each being celebrated for all they do.

Sure, I felt like a chump. Of course, we were hours from our mothers. It's not like we simply dissed them on their all important day. Still, I felt that pang of guilt. Despite my own flowers and card; I felt like I should be doing more.

After I saw my friends off I knew I was obligated to call my mom. Sounds horrible doesn't it? My mom and I just don't have much of a phone relationship. Neither of us are phone people and, well, we're not all that close. We prefer quick catch-ups over e-mail and that's really it.

But I did my duty, despite feeling a bit grumpy from fatigue, and we had our Mother's Day phone chat. It was very pleasant. It also lasted under 10 minutes.

I know I've written of the challenges my mother and I have before. I've lamented them always, however, with the understanding that she really is a lovely, impressive woman who has done a great deal for me. There are any number of theories as to why we're not that close, one being the fact that I'm incredibly close to my father, aka her ex-husband. Can any of us have both, after all? Still, I care deeply for her, even if she's not the first person I think to call with news, good or bad.

Still, it got me thinking about lessons learned from my mother. With Mother's Day programming surrounding me this evening, I wanted to take a minute to think about the positive things that have come out of our relationship. Too often I focus on the bad, when it's not only a horribly unproductive exercise, but also not fully reflective of the years we've had together.

Thus, without further ado, I humbly offer the top ten lessons learned from my mom:

First, there are the mantras. These are the lessons I can hear my mother saying over and over and over again:

1) Don't burn bridges.

People need people. It's that simple. Or, perhaps more accurately, you never know when you're going to need a particular person or when a particular person is really going to need you. I've been on both sides of this and, really, it's just better not to hold a grudge.

1a) To be needed is an honor.

Take care of the people who care for you. Be grateful for the gift of friendship. My mother may have a small circle, but she is fiercely loyal to those within it and each of them would walk into traffic for the other. OK, so they're not that smart, but they're devoted.

2) Pain is temporary. (The Pride is Forever part came later, courtesy of No Fear t-shirts).

We're an emotional bunch, my clan. We're the type that need to be reminded that the small stuff is not something to sweat. The ultimate lesson here is that things will get better, no matter how bad they are at any particular time.

3) No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

OK, so she stole this from Eleanor Roosevelt. Also, it's something she struggles with in her life, and something I've struggled with as well. Still, she was certain to remind me of the power of perspective and that only I can turn that negative thinking around.

Then, there are the lessons imparted from observation. These lessons are often the most telling, as what we do often says so much more about us than what we say or, more specifically, what we say we'll do.

4) Love like you've never been hurt.

It's a strange thing growing up and watching your parents date and form relationships with people other than your mom or dad. Though I wish my mom had been less focused on dating at times, I will say that she gives her all to those she commits to. The long term relationships I observed were ones where there was simply no question how loving and devoted she was. It was quite beautiful.

5) Once a cheater always a cheater.

See Lesson 4. Anyway.

6) There's nothing wrong with being a career driven woman.

My mother often reminded me how different things were when she was entering the workforce versus my own experience. My mother did not even earn her college degree until after I received mine, but she worked on it part-time for as long as I can remember. She worked incredibly hard to achieve the professional success she has, and did so at a time when women were blatantly perceived as lesser in the workplace. She's taught me to remember I should never take for granted the professional world in which I reside. I also know she's incredibly proud of what I've done in as short an amount of time as I have, even if she doesn't necessarily understand exactly what I do. She's not the only one.

7) It's OK not to sacrifice.

My mom shared custody of me with my father, pursued a full time professional career and earned her bachelor's degree part-time over 10 years. Enough said.

8) Look within.

My mother taught me the power of self-awareness. Though it takes time to properly understand it and use it in a productive manner, there's a great warmth to it once you do. We all have flaws. Embrace them and learn how to function with them. I know I can be unreasonable. When I have a moment, I'm getting better and better about learning to step back from it, to not react right away and to remember that what I'm feeling is only temporary. Sound familiar?

The funniest story that relates to this all too important lesson was an honest conversation my mother and I were having about marijuana. I've never done it and have no intention of doing it. Back in the day, however, my mother did it a time or two. She was a child of the sixties, after all. I was in college at the time of the conversation, and told her that although I really did not want to try it, I found myself in situations where I feared it would be difficult to avoid. "I can understand that," she said, "but remember, you are way too paranoid to smoke grass."

9) Don't question the power of the get well blanket.

Seriously. And there are bonus warm and fuzzies for when your mom wraps you in it.

10) Know when to step away. Weakness is refusal to do so.

My mom's had a rough last couple of years. She had to take some significant time away from work to care for herself. Though it wasn't an all fixing endeavor, she emerged from it stronger and happier. I fear for what my have happened if she had not. It took guts. I'm very proud of her for it.

This list is hardly exhaustive. Still, what's most important is my mother has taught me about humanity. She's taught me the importance of kindness, of sharing laughter with strangers, and simply doing the best you can. Just because it may not be enough for one person, it doesn't mean you haven't given it your all.

Happy Mother's Day.

On frustration...

Why is it that the more qualified you are and the more experience you bring to the table, the tougher it is to find a job?

To put it another way, why aren't employers banging down MY door?

I've only been actively seeking and applying for jobs since March 24. Still, I've been actively seeking and applying for jobs since March 24!!! Yes, on March 24 I sent out my first resume. And, granted, I sent it to nothing. I sent it to an abyss. I decided to send out "letters of interest" on the suggestion of a good friend and letters to some contacts my boss knows in Raleigh. It's not lost on me, by the way, that I'm quite lucky she's willing to help me out.

And nothing. Not one nibble. OK, well, I had a nibble, but then was spit out before I had a chance to interview. Damned internal hires! And I'm no longer sending out resumes into the great beyond. I'm applying for specific jobs. Jobs, it would seem, I'm either grossly overqualified for, grossly under qualified for, or jobs for which a leap of faith is required on the part of the hirer as I attempt to jump professional fields.

So, I sit here in utter confusion, wondering how I could be on the job search for over a month and have nothing to show for it. I've sounded all the alarms, brought as many people into my search as I can possible fathom. And nothing.

I know I have time. My guy need not be in Raleigh until August. There's time. Yes, there's time. But I can't help but shake the feeling it's between now and an inch that there will suddenly be "no time" and I'll be stuck where I am, beginning another cycle, making it ever more difficult to leave.

I just remember it being easier than this before. And now I'm more qualified than I've ever been. I have fancy words in my title, for chrissake! I have a graduate degree! Or is that the problem?

My boss shared with me the the other day that, for every $10,000 you make, it takes a month to find a job. Now, you can make a pretty modest salary in order to fall into a spiral of frustration just thinking about that.

And, really, it's my qualifications that are the problem. As I aspire to that Goldilocks of jobs, I'm either over applying or under applying. It was easier before because the world of entry-level was at my fingertips! The only other phone call I've received regarding my job search thus far was a contact making sure I was aware that I applied for an Assistant Director position (my current title is Director). It was your basic, "Um, did you READ the ad?" call out. And my bluff was clear. I simply applied out of frustration. This is the same girl, however, who applied to a job with "Vice President" in the title today. Hilarious.

It will be hard to find the right salary, the right level of leadership, the right everything. I've not lost faith, but I just need a bite to feel better. Just one big, delicious, juicy bite.