Today I was reminded that there are certain aspects of my job at which I am particularly good. Or, at the very least, I can have days where I'm really "on". It's funny, though, how I can struggle with my co-workers in terms of communication and relationships, but how I can communicate to a rather large group of anonymous strangers in a meaningful, entertaining and effective way. How I can draw them in with that and make them seek me out for another interaction. Makes me wonder. I think I'm a pretty effective communicator with those close to me, so there's just this middle, gray area with those in between that seems to be a weakness of mine. Or maybe I'm too hard on myself. Or maybe I just don't know how to walk that line of people who have that intimacy of not being a stranger, but the distance of not being a friend. I'm ok working alongside that relationship, but leading people with whom I have that relationship seems to cause stress.
Seems to me I should either find a way to add more distance or attempt more closeness with these people. Given the reality of the situation, I guess distance would be best. It's just letting go of that desire to be liked and my craving for real friendships and relationships that always manages to get in the way.
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