Super Bowl of Purple Rain

I don't have a ton to say about the game. I'm not at all invested in its outcome but all of the fumbles have been quite entertaining. I'd simply like to offer how impressed I am with Prince. As halftime neared, I had fantasies of him throwing a hissy fit in the bowels of Dolphin Stadium, demanding a canopy be constructed tout de suite so not to frizzify his royal locks. I predicted to myself he'd hold up the entire show waiting for the rain to hold off, or perform 1999 from the Bears' locker room.

But he endured the rain and did so in full force. With a do-rag tied backwards and a commanding eye to his backup ladies that said "I don't give a shit if you fall and break your neck, DANCE BITCHES!", Prince's pyrotechnics and collection of phallic guitars brought forth a great performance. Then again, anything would look good compared to that hallucination-inducing Andy Warhol meets Girls Just Wanna Have Fun meets Tito Puente pre-game show. Whose grand idea was it to have a Cirque de Soleil interpretation of the wonder of football? It's things like this that make me hate the Super Bowl.

But back his not so highness. (Get it? He's really short!) I do wish he'd kept to his own stuff, however. While I can forgive him for "Proud Mary", "All Along the Watchtower" was hard to take seriously. It's hard to pay proper homage to the rockers who made the song famous when the current performer is sporting a turquoise suit with tangerine orange shirt. And I'm making an educated guess that his boots had at least a 4 inch heel. Of course, there's only one possible thing that could have made for a perfect Prince performance...

I would have given away my first born child for one performance of Batdance.