My Day

My favorite day of the year is nearing. The nominee overexposure is in place, J. Lo's makeup artist has started bronzing her thighs and all of the hybrid cars from San Francisco to San Diego have been rented out for the An Inconvenient Truth-aware celebrity arrivals.

IT'S OSCAR TIME, BABY!

Back when cleaning my apartment was a priority and my crux of friends were subway accessible to my apartment, I hosted an Oscar party that would make Wolfgang Puck weep with envy. The wine flowed, I made my uber-famous curried chicken salad, and prizes were awarded to the winners of my cutthroat Pick the Winners contest.

While there will be no party this year, I nevertheless humbly offer my predictions for who'll be grasping Oscar (known as "The Precious" from this point forward) late into the evening this Sunday. And yes, we're doing every category.

Best Actor: I've seen none of these performances, so I'm feeling really good about my prediction. I'm serious. More often than not, I'm convinced that the Oscar voters get a bottle of Cristal, drink the entire thing themselves, and whoever they realize they haven't yet slept with gets their vote. Now, the industry buzz is that the buzz has worn out on Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren walking away with these categories, and Will Smith might in fact walk away with The Precious. However, I feel Smith will suffer from Jamie Foxx's win in 2004. You know, despite his performance, once he took the stage the Academy went - "Oh shit, did we really just give him an award?" While Smith may be deserving, I fear the Academy will think "Fresh Prince" and send him back to West Philadelphia.

Whittaker takes it. The Academy likes to correct mistakes of the past (Crowe winning for Gladiator and not The Insider, par example), and, in addition to what I understand to be a stellar performance, they may see this as making up for Cheadle's loss in 2004 - the real-life portrayal of a dark time by an underrated actor. Oscar's commitment to diversity has been strong these last few years too, so screw you Peter O'Toole. This is not the year of the old white man (unless you're Clint Eastwood). I will confess, however, that I'm secretly rooting for Ryan Gosling, but I tend to be overly sympathetic to Canadians.

Best Supporting Actor: NOT Eddie Murphy. I stand by my Dreamgirls review that he was very good, but didn't demonstrate the depth of character to justify a win. Remember, the Golden Globes are Oscar Light and get away with more middle America crowd pleasures than the Oscars themselves. "HERCULES! HERCULES!" Need I say more?

There are some outstanding performances in this category. As much of a fan as I was of Mark Wahlberg in The Departed, I don't think he'll take it. His portrayal felt like a bit of a caricature the second time I watched the movie, and while Jackie Earle Haley SHOULD get it, Alan Arkin will. Alan Arkin deserves an award, is getting old and gave a fantastically crusty performance in Little Miss Sunshine. He's a longstanding and well respected character actor who is due for an acknowledgement. The Academy will, at times, reward overall careers, even if the nominated performance itself wasn't the best of that career (Michael Caine, The Cider House Rules).

Best Actress: The buzz may be fading, but if Helen Mirren doesn't win the Oscar I will pay paparazzi to chase me into a tunnel.

I've seen each of these performances except for Penelope Cruz, who the media keep trying to convince me is an excellent actress. I don't doubt them, but I believe this is only the case when she's in a Spanish speaking part. I can say that because I haven't seen any of her movies in Spanish so I'm trying to have a little faith in her. But there is no way she's winning in category with the Dench/Mirren/Streep triple threat. I don't think Dench will take it, though she gives a disturbingly wonderful performance in Notes on a Scandal, popular sentiment is she has been overly awarded with The Precious (Shakespeare in Love). Streep was wonderful in Prada, but she won't get it because I honestly and truly believe there are any number of actresses who could have played that role and played it just as well. It's not that hard to play an extreme bitch. I do it every day if you believe my staff, and I haven't taken a single acting class. Winslet is also excellent in Little Children, but she's not the standout performance of that film so an award is probably inappropriate.

Mirren was excellent. She artfully suckered me into a range of emotions within the short time period the film covers. Plus she took me back to the day I visited Buckingham Palace with my friend Kristen, who picked up a postcard with the Queen's picture and matter-of-factly said, in the middle of the shop within earshot of everyone, "You know, I hear she's a real bitch."

Best Supporting Actress: Not Hudson. I know, I know. I'm probably wrong, but I'm going out on a limb here. Oscar can get uppity on itself and doesn't like to be told what to do, particularly by the American Idol viewing audience. I agree she did a great job in Dreamgirls. The singing was second to none and the acting was impressive for a rookie. But my fear is the singing has replaced the acting with these accolades. The Precious will give her the Heisman.

Rinko Kukuchi takes this one, for a number of reasons. First, her performance. Sbe's a much older, emotionally scarred woman trapped in a teenage body with 16 year old girl hormones and no manner in which to scream at life's unfairness. Her performance is the best of the film without saying a single word. Second, the award acknowledges a film that the Academy feels it has to recognize somehow but not with the big prize, as it's the Best Picture nominee with the most mixed reviews. Third, the Academy loves a disability. Finally, the Academy admits there are more worthy Asian actors than Ken Wantanabe and they'll be damned if they nominate Jackie Chan.

Animated Film: Happy Feet. I heard the Christian population was angered by the liberal leanings of this film, with its brainwashing preaching on the environment and its gay lead penguin. Hollywood is full of liberals and nothing says Oscar like gay tree huggers who can dance.

Art Direction: Pan's Labyrinth. I haven't seen it but it is supposed to be extraordinary. The preview alone is one of the prettiest things I have ever seen on my sweet new flat screen TV. I personally didn't like the art direction in Dreamgirls, they were clearly trying to keep a sense of the story on a Broadway stage, but that begs the question, "Why make a movie?" The only other nominee I've seen is The Good Shepherd. My understanding of art direction is it seems to have the most to do with set. There was a tremendous starkness to the set of that film that dances beautifully with the stiff nature of the lead character and the rigidness of the surroundings, so my guess is Shepherd could, in fact, take this any other year in which it wasn't against Pan's.

Cinematography: I define this as the storytelling without the acting, which fascinates me. But, since I haven't seen any of the nominees, I'll go with The Prestige in the hope that it gives me a shot with either Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale or the cinematographer of the film.. who may have brushed against one of them in the hallway at some point and might still faintly smell of their musk.

Costume Design: One of my favorite people recently wrote in her blog that she gets frustrated with this category because it always goes to the period piece and HOW BORING is that. But, has a period piece (Marie Antoinette) ever had a smackdown with a film about the fashion industry (The Devil Wears Prada)? I'm going with Prada.

Directing: Not Scorcese. Everyone wants him to win but he won't. He can't in light of Letters from Iwo Jima. I actually found some of Scorcese's choices to be little cheeky in The Departed and Clint Eastwood delivers a visually stunning, unique and relevant story with Letters. It won't win Best Picture, and it shouldn't, but this acknowledgement is appropriate.

Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth. Duh. Liberal platform with the most liberal audience in the world.

Documentary Short: Anything but Recycled Life. With Happy Feet and An Inconvenient Truth taking The Precious, something in the environment has got to give. It's the year of global warming, not recycling.

Film Editing: I've seen two of the five nominees, but I'm going to go with United 93. It's the only nomination for a film that touched a number of people on a number of levels and was lauded for its use of no-name actors. A difficult story to tell, a respectful way to approach it. Who cares about the editing. Just give it an award.

Foreign Language Film: I know nothing about Water or After the Wedding. I do know in my Best Picture viewing blitz I saw the preview for Days of Glory a few too many times, but can confirm it did very well at Cannes and apparently made the French change a law to recognize its forgotten heroes. My question. WHAT ABOUT US? And by us, I mean USA?!

It's between Pan's Labyrinth and The Lives of Others. From what I'm hearing Pan's was robbed of a Best Picture nod, so we'll hand it this category.

WAKE UP! We're getting to Best Picture. Be patient.

Makeup: The days of Mel Gibson as Hollywood's Golden Boy are long gone. So, in addition to anything but Apocalypto, there will be more accolades for Pan's Labyrinth. That freaky horned thing alone looks worth it.

Music (Score): I'm tempted to go with Babel. I really didn't like this movie but I do have a specific recollection of a moment that resulted in few tears rolling down my cheek. Some might offer that's not saying much, particularly for a weepy sap like me, but for a film I really didn't care about, I remember the music stirring something in me at the right moment. Not the right reason, per se, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If you're a betting person, however, Notes on a Scandal will likely take it. I don't recall anything about it from the movie, but since it was featured at the candy counter of the movie theater in which I saw it, it must be good.

Music (Song): Dreamgirls, "Listen". Three songs from the film are nominated but my understanding is this was the only original song that was not in the musical and was written for the film. I pick it because of the strength it carries on its own merits, but also for the importance it has to the movie itself and the development of Beyonce's character. It provides a real transition and is the one moment in the movie that is all hers.

Best Picture: Screw you. I'm saving this until the end even though I'm going in the order of the categories as listed by Oscar.com and it's next. Oh shut up. We're almost at the end and I'm starting to get bored of myself. It won't be much longer.

Best Short Film (Animated): No Time for Nuts. I usually go with best title when it comes to these categories. That, and I went to the store with my boss the other day to pick up morale boosting snacks for our staff and when she asked the clerk, in all seriousness, "Where do you keep your nuts?", I fell to pieces like I was in middle school. I can't stop thinking about it, so it must be a sign.

Best Short Film (Live Action): West Bank Story. It may not be the Sharks and the Jets but I'm guessing they kept the character named A-Rab.

Sound Editing: Letters from Iwo Jima. Lots of kaboom!

Sound Mixing: Dreamgirls. They had to make Jamie Foxx sound like he can sing while not mimicking Ray Charles.

Visual Effects: Superman Returns. I guess this movie should get SOMETHING other than a bitch slap. Shame on you, Parker Posey. Shame on you.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Little Children. I'm really torn here. This is a movie that deserves a lot of attention that won't get it in terms of number of Preciouses received. At the very least, though I think those I know who read the book (my boyfriend) had issues with some treatments (he's really smart, I trust him), I'd like to see the writers acknowledged for some true character development and a sophisticated treatment of a troubling story.

Notes on a Scandal is also worthy. Some of the best dialogue I've seen in a film in a very long time and, again, a sophisticated treatment of yet another troubling story. Still, I'm going with Little Children given the range and depth in a larger number of characters. Its story also required more sophisticated intertwining of individual plot lines.

Writing (Original Screenplay): Little Miss Sunshine. Let me first confess I believe this to be one of the more overrated films of the year. (Tries to avoid the mass amount of Rick James CDs being hurled in blogger's general direction). Nevertheless, it's fun, it's different and has some great performances. I don't understand its Best Picture nod, but I acknowledge it as clever, honest, thoughtful, funny (highbrow funny, not funny ha ha) and offering a nontraditional snapshot into the lives of a family that is likely more traditional than any of us want to admit. It's not the full story required to earn a Best Picture nod, but it is unique, intelligent and deserving of this particular nod. It's a stand out.

Best Picture: YOU MADE IT! The Departed takes this category. Both crowd pleasing and sophisticated, it includes four excellent acting performances from Oscar favorites, a legendary director, and a gritty story demonstrating solid writing and elaborate intertwining of characters and plot lines. As a former Bostonian, I also appreciated the role the city played in the movie itself and the characters who told the story. As the daughter of a Boston-born Irishman, I was proud of its honesty in portraying this section of the city's population without judgement. I apologize for how patronizing that sounds, but it's how I feel. It also offers the Academy another opportunity to acknowledge Scorsese without acknowledging Scorcese. It also begs the question, will DiCaprio be the new Scorcese? Always a bridesmaid...

So there you have it. I can't wait for showtime! After investing all of this time reading, it's probably not wise to tell you the more I think about my predictions, the less accurate I am and I did, in fact, give these a lot of thought. Nevertheless, enjoy the glitz and the glamour and let's hope this show doesn't ruin Ellen's career.

Days without cheese: 3