On "WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE?"

My only child is showing...

I go home about once a year now.. at Christmas. Maine just isn't an easy place to get to. Summer is the ideal time for a second visit, but with a move this year I just couldn't make it work. So I know, at the very least, I'll get home for Christmas and to, what I hope, are some things I can rely on.

This Christmas is particularly special as my boyfriend is coming home with me. I can't tell you how angst ridden I've been about his missing Christmas with his own family for us. I missed Christmas at home a few years ago under different circumstances and it just didn't feel right. I couldn't be more appreciative or excited to have him with me. I've also continually sweetened the deal by reminding him that Christmas at home means lobster on Christmas Eve at my mom's place.. it's tradition.

Christmas Eve has always been spent with my mother, and we always have lobster, play Christmas music, and open gifts from our crazy relatives in California. Having my guy share in this tradition means a lot to me.

I guess she had something else in mind.

I got an e-mail from her this morning saying she wanted to give us whatever flexibility we needed, but Christmas Eve would be spent at her best friend's house. "We've never gotten to do this before, so I think it's important."

Insert my all star hissy fit.

I am LIVID. No, I'm not exaggerating. I've shed tears and I stomped all over my apartment this morning (sorry, downstairs neighbor). I've even consulted a few colleagues to see if I'm crazy - a resounding, "No you're not crazy, this is bullshit," came from all three.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my mother's best friend. She's a second mom to me and I love when she and her family stop by Christmas Eve, post-lobster and presents. My mother also spends all of Christmas Day over with this same best friend and her best friend's very large family, for which I'm also grateful, as Christmas Day is spent with my father and his side of the family.

This may come off as spoiled, but I don't care. I am absolutely devastated that our tradition is being sacrficed for no good reason at all. I'm actually having trouble focusing.

I wrote back and expressed my disappointment. Indicating it's all we'd been looking forward to. I softened it with "is there anyway we can do lobster another night I'm home?", to which she simply replied. "Of course! That was my plan all along!"

Still, it's not enough for me.

I wrote her back pleading was there anyway we could stick to our tradition and expressing my sadness.

Perhaps this all seems very dramatic to you but, again, as I get older, there are fewer and fewer things I can rely on. Fewer things that give me the warm and fuzzies. And, given a somewhat challenged past with my mom, I can't help but feel I'm being robbed of one of the truly special things we share, and during an incredibly important occasion - the holidays and my boyfriend, who I intend to be with as long as he'll have me, being there.

I, of course, can't help but feel she's being incredibly selfish and can't help but wonder if she's sticking it to me or simply doesn't care and wants to do her own thing. But I think it's wrong. I think the holidays are about your kids. If I have kids, you can bet your ass it will be about what makes it special for them.

The holidays also seem to bring out the very worst in us, and I'm wondering if I'm experiencing that right now. But I just don't understand why she'd do this without talking to me (likely b/c she would know my reaction) or put aside one of the few happy, special things we still share as mother and daughter.

Pardon me while I slam my bedroom door and turn up the New Kids on the Block.