On feeling threatened...

The first sin of blogging is never updating your blog.

My apologies. Life has been insanely busy lately, and not due to work travel. Office madness and the holiday season have reared their stressful heads and left me passed out on the couch when I should have been blogging.

But when my readers complain, I listen. Thanks for the kick in the butt, Kel.

I was driving home tonight around 8 pm. I stayed late to tend to various business, including being stood up by one of my students who was "so very eager" to profile me for a newsletter he's writing. To make myself feel better I made my fourth trip to Target in 5 days, and managed to spend yet another $90 or so on Christmas shopping. Honestly, you'd think I run an orphanage or something. I threw the bags in the car and headed home, for real this time, only to hear a familiar ring tone that made me groan.

When I was in high school, I was a cheerleader. One of the routines we did regularly was to "Be True to Your School" by The Beach Boys. Cheesy, campy, yes, all of it, but it was also tradition and Cony High School cheerleaders had been doing that routine, well, since the song came out. Anyway, I use that ring tone for people from work. I have a very sick since of humor.

Long story short, 'twas my boss.

She was really just calling to vent/brainstorm. It's not like I was in trouble or anything. Still, I really can't figure out if it's a good or a bad thing that, after two days straight of meetings together, meetings where we literally sit in the same room for 8 hours, that she still feels the need to call me at 8 pm to chat.

What's worse is that she was calling because she was paranoid about something we both witnessed. As luck had it, I was paranoid about it too. I'm not sure if it's an only child thing or what, but having my boss suffer from the same level of paranoia and, by venting about it, essentially endorse it, makes me supremely frustrated. The last thing I need is my self-consciousness encouraged, and that's just what happened tonight. Whenever something is up, tension, plans, whatever sparks the radar, we both plummet into, "Shit, what did I do wrong?!" mode. Neither of us are capable of conceiving of the fact that one thing has nothing to do with us. It really is only child syndrome. Growing up in an atmosphere where everything, like it or not, really IS all about you, makes it difficult to let things go. If someone is in a bad mood, it's clearly my fault. Or, if not mine, my boss'. I need people around me who work this out of me, not allow it to fester. Alas, however, my current work environment will not allow it.

Still, my boss is a mover and a shaker. And maybe assuming you have a role in everything, good or bad, large or small, is just another key to success. Success and a heart attack, I suppose. Here's to hoping success comes first.