On memories...

I started packing today. Really packing. Of course, I am completely dismayed that I have already filled 6 boxes but the only thing that's packed away are my books, DVDs and board games. I feel like this is a bad omen for yet another wake up call re: all my accumulated crap.

The truth is, however, that I'm truly purging things for the first time. I still have those 4 bags of clothes to donate, I'm keeping only "essential" CDs and I will, yes I WILL, finally get rid of my rollerblades (last worn in 2001 - fumbling my way down the Esplanade in Boston). I just completed the oddest purging exercise of all, however. I just tossed a bunch of pictures.

Sounds horrible, doesn't it? Granted, many were duplicates. But, as I started to pack away empty photo albums I also started going through old pictures. I then realized what might make more sense is to perhaps put some of these pictures IN one of these empty photo albums. So, I finally compiled a college album.

What was most striking to me about the whole process was how many pictures I had for freshman and sophomore year, and how few (relatively) I had from junior and senior year. Junior year doesn't really count, as one semester was my semester abroad and there's a whole other album devoted to that. Fall semester, the term I was on campus, is still relatively empty though, as half of our friends were in other countries. Bizarre.

Still, the later years of college were about trimming the fat. Where the first two years are really about accumulating the largest group of friends possible, the last two are about finding the people about whom you truly care. Of course, it didn't help that I was sparring with one of my roommates senior year and rather than maturely dealing with the issue I hid in my boyfriend's apartment. Luckily, I spent over 5 years with the guy in the end. Still...

So yes, I threw away a lot of pictures. Mainly of people who were never really my friends, but who lived on our hall or went to the same parties. Two of the pictures I tossed were of my sophomore year roommates the day they were selected for their sororities. Despite our best efforts, it was incredibly difficult to remain the same kind of friends we were once they pledged, and then other factors entered in. It makes me sad to know I went from not knowing how to live without them, to barely saying hello in the span of our four years. Those two pictures were fine to go.

It's also HYSTERICAL to look back and see how, bless my heart, I never truly fit in at this place. As hard as I tried, I just didn't know how to do it. One of the funniest pictures I found was of a group of us heading out to a semi-formal sophomore year. I am the only one not wearing a tiny black dress and heels. I'm in this horribly ill fitting pink and purple silk floral number, that fell to my ankles where I sported sandals likely purchased at LL Bean. You can take the girl out of Maine... I honestly look like a hippie. I have never been a hippie. Lord, I just couldn't figure it out. But I'm honestly grateful for that. It wasn't until much later that I became obsessed with fitting in. How odd that I managed to avoid it for so long. If only I could have avoided it period.

Still, I'm proud of the album I put together. I seemed to pack away a lot of the anger and hurt I have felt about many of these people for a while now, and complied an album full of fantastic memories, despite how things might be now. Even kept the one of my freshman year boyfriend, who was a total douche. Whatever - I look really good in it.