On the SkyMall of America

Greetings from Chicago, where the WGN channel is actually relevant! I'm fresh off of my cheesesteak room service dinner, only slightly irritated by the fact that I got through a mere twelve questions on the World Series of Pop Culture Triviadome, and listening to the thunder and lightening that has deprived my fancy hotel of its cable. Yes, thunderstorms have rolled in, allowing me an excuse to coop myself up in my hotel instead of exploring the city. I assure you the storm was far scarier as I watched lightening bolts fall from the sky on my seat in the plane. Anyway, I'm in town for a conference that, if the teaser schedule has any sort of accuracy, indicates we'll be doing ample city time, so I don't feel all that bad hanging in. Plus, I had to play Triviadome. Duh!

So, other than wishing a certain someone was here with me (RIP Harry Caray), I'm mourning the reality that one of the best things about flying has now gone mainstream. That's right. This isn't your father's SkyMall catalog. Gulp. It's got a website! Is it just me, or is this TOTAL BS?

The beauty of SkyMall was in its novelty and how you could really only access the catalog and take in its entertainment while on your way to your next business trip or canoodling with your travel partner. And what better icebreaker is there for that cute stranger to your left than, "Did you know they even made ottomans that could turn into guest beds?!" (They do, btw. It's on page. 161.)

Before: After:

Here are some other favorites:

The Finger Drum Mousepad:
For when Mom told you you'd never be the next Don Henley, and she was right.

The Runaway Alarm Clock:
That's right! Hit the snooze button and it hits the road! Even works on carpet, forcing you to get out of bed, or kill the person sleeping next to you in frustration, when you can't find it to silence its obnoxious call. For the lazy ass mo fo in all of us.

The Keep Your Distance Bug Vacuum:
I'm actually not making fun of this one. I want it and my birthday is coming up. See prior posts re: roaches in office.

Children's ATM Bank (yes, as in modern day piggy bank):
Because screw you, Basic Math.

And, finally, for when P.Diddy is cruising the SkyMall...

Berline Cadillac Escalade Golf Cart:

For a cool $14K, it can be yours! Best of all, SkyMall uses BillMeLater, allowing you to take this puppy home for just $10/month, as advertised. That means in 116 short years, it's yours to keep!

Bet your dumb kid with their ATM piggy bank couldn't have figured that out.