Sigh. I can't sleep. I'm afraid I become a bit of an insomniac when left to my own devices. Everyone is out of town and my plans for tonight were thwarted. As such, it's been a whole lot of me, myself and I today. And that's fine. I have no problem with that. So what do I do on such a day? Well, I line up a ton of projects I can tackle, and then I sit on the couch... for hours.
No, I did go out today. But when I go out, I spend money. I can't help it. I bought a dress for a wedding this weekend, didn't really need one but it was on sale, so that was good. But I also went grocery shopping for no good reason. I have plenty of food and I'm going out of town this weekend. So, good plan.
What else do I do with myself in these scenarios? Think. About everything. My mind races and, I fear, makes up stories to stress myself out in order to keep myself occupied. So, my mind has been on overdrive since around 2 pm today and, sans a one hour nap around 4 pm (likely contributing to my insomnia) it's been making things up for me to be upset about as I catch up on DVR. And wow is it working. With all do respect I must ask myself, WTF?!?! Why do I do this to myself? I look at a book currently on my coffee table entitled "An Unquiet Mind"and can't help but relate. We'll talk about the fact that this book tackles a woman with manic depression another time.
So, here I am. Curled up on the couch, watching late night TV reruns and pleading with the sleep fairies to take care of me. The scary thing is that I can sit here and draw everything I'm dealing with back to my own insecurity about work, love and life in general, yet can't find the ability to strangle that insecurity once and for all.
Probably didn't help that I tried on my bathing suits today in preparation for my upcoming vacation. Yep. That was dumb. Not to mention the fact that I'm uncertain how I am supposed to relax when Michael Jackson is house hunting in Maryland, a state about 1 mile away from me at this very minute. When you figure it out, let me know.
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